Posted 4 months ago

Fargo (1996)

Well its that time a year again where our little Stevie muffin advances another year in age. Do not fret little kittens, for he shall be with us for a good long time as he is still currently doing movies and even still doing Boardwalk Empire (which I still haven’t seen past the first season. I know, I gotta get on that but JESUS that shits expensive). On this joyous day of December 13th, the love and sick obsession of all our lives has been alive for 56 years. And today I give you, the fans, a gift. The gift of his career. 

Today I review Fargo.

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My parents are a big fan of this one actually. Such a fan that they have owned this one for years. They got it on vhs at a garage sale for 75 cents. The sticker is still on it. Very old. One of the few movies that I could watch with my friends, when I had friends, and it could get them to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and just fucking watch it.

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Fuckin amazing cinematography

Its such a good movie. So suspenseful. Basically this dude has a car dealership that’s about to go to hell but he also has a rich father in law. So, being the intelligent being that he is, he hires two shady ass mother fuckers to kidnap his wife. He pays for it with a brand new 1987 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. Ok lemme tell you this is a good fucking deal right fucking here ok I had a 95 Cutlass and that thing was up and running until last year. The only thing that stopped it was the frame rusted in half, which could have been prevented had we not been dumb shits and took better care of it. So that’s a fucking fine ass car right there.

So they kidnap his wife. The scene is both hot and intense. There is nothing more that I would like than for Stebe to break into my house in a ski mask~~~~ Moving on… They drive her up to Fargo (!!! that’s the title of the  movie!!) but on the way a sheriff notices the lack of plates on the car. He gets shot. While they’re trying to ditch the sheriff two other people see them and there’s a small car chase and they get shot. And then there’s Marge!!!! Shes so cool! Shes a cop who is investigating all the shoot shoots. She is also pregnant though tbh it really has no effect on the story whatsoever. She interviews a couple of prostitutes who had sex with the two dudes and they have very funny accents, though being from the northern parts of the US I can 100% verify that that is exactly how we talk. Also we see Steve with a prostitute riding his dick and it is wonderful and fabulous.

Uh, lots of things happen now. Steve gets shot in the face and then hit in the neck with an ax and then shoved into a wood chipper. Also they kill the wife. Steve looks good in a turtle neck too. Peter Stormare is honestly kind of hot himself.
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Hell Yeah

And everything works out for Marge. The ending is pretty much the best thing I have seen ever and it just closes on such an anticlimactic way like idk. Its really calming and really contrasts with the rest of the movie and it makes me cry tbh.

Well that’s it! I’m giving this on a 5/5.

I hope this did well as a happy birthday to my favorite dude on the planet! Yay!!

Now look at this picture of Peter Stormare and Steve Buscemi being lovers

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Posted 5 months ago

whorchacha:

I wonder if there is a Steve Buscemi thirst blog.

I’m not sure if you’d conciser this a thirst blog but I sure could use a glass of water right now

Posted 6 months ago

Monsters University (2013)

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Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt I keep forgetting to do this!! Ok well I saw this like two weeks after it came out in theaters. So like, forever ago. But I saw it in theaters at least!

What it’s about:

Mike and Sully in collage can you believe it? It’s about them becoming unlikely friends. See, they weren’t always friends. Sully was a big turd and Mike isn’t scary. Actually Mike and Randal were friends until Randal joined the popular kids fraternity and turned into a douche. He was a little sweetie pie though like awwwww what a stupid lil nerd.
Ok so Mike and Sully fuck up and destroy something of the deans and she kicks them out of the scaring coarse. Shes’s a bomb ass pimp bitch though fucking look at this shit

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Shes a centipede with dragon wings and a sexy fucking voice. Not to mention she was literally in a shadow the entire time, even when she was in the sun. Except for literally once. I was paying attention.
Anyway she was the bad guy for most of the movie because she was the one deciding whether or not our hero protagonist bros would pass and she was obviously not on their side.
So Mike joins a nerd fraternity and joins the scare games to prove their worth. And since Sully got kicked out of his and Mike’s was a man down, they teamed up. As you can imagine they came over their differences and shit. This is also around the time were Randall becomes a bad guy. Sexy voice though like. The other fraternities and sororities are really cool too. Like you should check them out.
I really liked the annoucers too. Like at first I didn’t care for them but as the movie progressed through the Scare Games I really came to like them.

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I’m pretty sure the girl is based off of Mia Thermopolis’s friend, what was her name? Lily right? The Princess Diaries.
Mike isn’t even allowed back in the scare course though because hes “not scary”. So to prove he is he goes into this door that one of the students made because that’s one of the courses you can take. He and Sully get trapped there and have a little moment together and its like aw. Luckily they manage to get back by being fucking awesome. They get expelled. But the headmisstress is all like “Yo you kool like sorry n shit but you know, feds and shit”. So she pretty much redeemed herself and said the inspiring quote: “You’re not scary, but you are fearless” and like, that’s a pretty cool line.
So our main heroes start working at Monsters Inc. in the mail room and like, slowly build their way up to where they are in the first movie.

Its really quite good, obviously being Pixar and such. You should deffs see it if you haven’t already.

Overall:
I was super disappointed in the amount of Randall time, like, it was no time at all. But like, it was a good ass movie I liked the ending part.

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FIVE WHOLE STEVES! (I’m in the process of making new ones.)

*note: there are no pictures of Randall because I looked him up on the tag and it was nothing but hilarious pictures and dirty confessions and I got all sweaty and breathing heavy and, well. No picture sorry.

Posted 8 months ago

Trees Lounge (1996)

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Ok I promise I’m not dead or I haven’t abandoned this yet don’t worry I’ve just been really lazy ok? But I’m back and I’m reviewing this movie. k. I’m sorry I’ve just been really busy with life and stuff. (lie) I’m just really lazy. (truth)

What it’s about:

Steve Buscemi’s taint.

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you think I’m fucking kidding but I’m not.

ok this one is so much better than Interview though, like I totally recommend this one.

Basically its a show about nothing. This guy, Tommy, he gets drunk a lot. He gets beat up a few times and has sex with girls. He broke up with a chick and lost his job at an auto garage. He chills at the bar Trees Lounge which is under his apartment. Eventually he gets a job driving an ice cream truck and kind of goes out with his ex-gfs 17 year old niece. Something to tug at the fantasies of all you little starried eyed girls who want to go out with a 30-something Steve Buscemi (all of us come on face it) Well her dad catches them together even though all they did was get high and make out, but he chases him and beats the shit out of him and then hes all beat up and sexy

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And well nothing was really concluded at the ending and everything sucks for everybody and its just like watching these people live their sad little lives. There’s a bunch of sweet actors in this too like Samuel L. Jackson pops in for a minute and shit. Totally sweet.

It was written and directed by my bby Steve and I love it because hes hot as fuck in this movie and he totally know it. He also casts his father and brother too as he often does in his films. He even put his son in this one.

He also quotes that this is a hypethetical autobiography of “what could have happened to me had I stayed on Long Island.”

Steve Scale:

Total cutie. Hes not being villainfied or overly exaggeratedly cool or anything. Hes just a regular old dude doing shit and eventually getting beat up and looking totally hot.

Overall:

Rotten Tomatoes likes it ok that’s how good it is. It has all the depressing asthetic charm that you crave from an indie move and Steve flashes his taint on the fucking cover so please pick this damn movie up

8/10

(while I had seen the quote floating around quite a bit I had to search for it to make sure I got it correct. I got it from this article and thought it was a good read. You should defiantly check it out)

Posted 10 months ago

Miller’s Crossing (1990)

Yes I am back from the dead!!  I need to get into the essence of writing. I need to find myself. But I’ll start being better with this I promise.

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Miller’s Crossing. Yes. Named for the place in the movie where they go shoot people I guess. Good movie. Gangster movie. That is a very nice thing I like gangster movies. Steve Buscemi is in it for maybe 3 minutes tops. Unless you count the scene where they find his body all mangled and unrecognizable. Hell it might not have even been him. 

Ok so the movie starts out with main guy Tom has a debt to some guy because he gambles. Well I guess that guy like one of the three big bosses in this city. I have no idea what city though. I know it takes place in the 20s though because, you know, its a gangster movie. Tom works for like the mayor? Leo. Hes one of those dudes. And then there’s this other one, Casper. I thought he was Danny Divito. Turns out I don’t know what Danny Divito looks like.
Well everyone wants to kill this one guy, who is a bookie after Tom about his debt, but he doesn’t want that to happen because he just so happens to be the brother of the very cute lady who Leo is dating and Tom is having sex with behind his back. She is named Verna. He is named Bernie. Those sound very similar.
Steve Buscemi comes around this time. His name is Mink. He is gay. Other than that I have no idea about this dude. He was important though I know that. They said his name a lot.
Leo finds that out eventually and so Tom goes to work with Casper because Leo and Casper don’t like each other. So now Tom has to kill the bookie but he cries like a little bitch and he lets him go like a little bitch. That was a bad idea because now hes blackmailing him. Mink is dead now. Somebody killed mink.
Casper kills Dane. Who is Dane? Some guy who was working with(for?) Casper. Tom is a sly bastard. Casper is king of the city. Bernie kills Casper in Toms apartment. Tom goes to kill Bernie. Bernie cries like a little bitch. Tom shoots him this time and makes it look like they shot each other. Tom and Leo are friends again. Verna is sad that her brother is shot but shes going to marry Leo now.
Tom was a total cutie too btw you should know that its very important.
I have no idea what the fuck I was watching. I should pay more attention when I watch movies.

heres a picture of steve

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I don’t have my Steve Heads anymore because I’m stupid but I’ll give it a 31/2 out of 5. It was good but not like omg wow good you know?

Posted 1 year ago

Boardwalk Empire Season 1

ok so I’m not sure how to do this because I mean, a lot happens in this show and I don’t want to give everything away immediately. I’m just gonna give the basic storyline and my opinions on certain people and shit. But its pretty much the best show ever in the world and I love it a lot.

if you haven’t seen it or heard about it or have been living under a rock or something, its about a corrupt politician in Atlantic City during the 20s during prohibition and has a lot to do with gangsters and stuff. I’m really excited about this plot because I fucking love the 20s and gangsters and they are in chicago a lot which I love and it stars Steve Buscemi who wears lots of cool outfits.

ok well first there is Nucky and Eli and Nucky is the county treasurer and steals money from the taxpayers but everyone loves him anyway and Eli is his brother who is the sheriff but hes all sick of Nuckys shit. I fucking love Eli. Margret is hot and has a hot irish accent and her husband gets got by Nucky though he’ll never admit it but she totes knows. She also knows about his alcohol thing even though shes part of some group called the daughters of the no alcohol or something stupid like that. But she loves him anyway and especially because he has a sad and tragic backstory that no woman could resist. Also when he finally decided to be with her that scene omg. just recalling it I have trouble typing..sdlfalsdg

Ok so then there is Jimmy who is also very important/attractive. Hes played by Michael Pitt who was the kid in Delirious if you remember. he has an attractive wife who is an attractive lesbian. Jimmy goes to Chicago to be with Al Capone because they’re bffs now and lives in a whore house and works for John Torrio I think… his mom is a show girl or something and had him when she was 13 and his father is some rich old dude who they keep in contact with a little bit. He was 53 when he was born. this bothers him a wee bit. Well Nucky pretty much raised him. he gets this haircut in the second episode called a hitler youth and despite the name its the best haircut I’ve ever seen on anyone in my life and if you are a guy then you have no choice you have to get this fucking haircut don’t fucking argue me.

And the other mainest character is the prohibition agent that hates Nucky and is in love with Margret and he is also a religious nut as it turns out, anyway hes hot too. His name is Nelson van Alden and he is tall as fuck and absolutely nuts omg hes fucking cool so cool.

and there is also face mask guy~ I forget his name but he fought in the war and he became friends with Jimmy. He only has half of a face and wears this bad ass face mask. He is the coolest character on this show. I am 100% positive that he will die in the next season.

so thats my review of Boardwalk Empire. There’s a lot of characters and events in this show and I am so bad with remembering names. There is so fucking much to this show. The feel is great, the story is great, the end of each episode will make you want to punch a kitten. Just please go watch it. its like watching a moving photograph of the 1920s. its perfect.

Posted 1 year ago
We want a Boardwalk Empire reviewww
Anonymous asked

lol ok. It was the best damn show I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait until I can see the second season. there.

nah but ok I’ll review it lol. tomorrow.

Posted 1 year ago

hey dudes sorry about this long ass hiatus. see the problem is I’ve already watched all the movies on netfix O.o well all but one but dsfjashgldlfkasd <(explanation) so I’m trying to hunt the movies down in like used movie stores and stuff. I really miss blockbuster right now hahahahahaaaaaaaa my family was like their best customers I knew all the employees by name ha I’m sorry about this its 5:30 in the morning and I’m not going to bed tonight because I don’t have any sheets on my bed and this is how I’m dealing with it.

anyway, I’m gonna try my darnest to watch all the movies I can in the next few months so expect shit I promise I’ll get one up by next friday.

Posted 1 year ago

Saint John of Las Vegas (2009)

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ok wow I’ve neglected this blog for quite a while.

One of my absolute favorite movies that Steve B has been in. 1 its in Las Vegas which is like, my favorite city every and I want to live there and junk even though I’ve never been but I can dream right? 2. In this movie Steve is so pale and saggy and and scrawny and looking like hes dying so its no wonder that I think he looks hottest in this movie. and 3 Sarah Silverman. I don’t think shes funny a lot of times but shes hella hot and I love the fuck out of her in this movie. AND Danny Trejo and Peter Dinklage  are all in this one too and if you’ve been watching Steve’s movies like I have then you would know that they are super regulars in all of his more indie films.

What it’s about:

Well Steve is St. John, an ex gambler working for an insurance company in Albuquerque. his boss, who is Peter Dinklage, sends him out with a cool black guy to go investigate some shit outside of Vegas oh and the beginning is like the end you know, one of those things, yeah well he buys 1000 lotto tickets and his face is all burned up and hell if I know why but so he goes out with cool black guy Vergil and tries to investigate shit. First they go over to this one junk yard and the people there are like hell no so they go and Virgil buys John some sunglasses so he looks badass and hot and shit. He also took a shower and we get to see this beautiful scene where hes wearing nothing but a towel omg

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like god damn

well they go to investigate this claim and a lot of shit happens and theres a lot of cool characters. So yeah, good movie.

Steve Scale:

really it just took this picture and I was sold.

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looking good all pale and scrawny with them sideburns. yeah. I’m gross.

Overall:

well apparently according to everyone else on the internet this movie sucks balls but I liked it it was a cute little indie movie and had a great cast and I thought it had some pretty neat characters but whatever follow your heart and all that

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*the logo is on there again because the other ones are on my other computer and I am way too lazy to go get that shit.

Posted 1 year ago

guess what kiddos? I got boardwalk empire for christmas!! idk if I’ll actually review it though because I don’t know how much I’m gonna watch it. I’m pretty bad with shows on dvd. I’ve had game of thrones forever and have only watched like three episodes lol. but maybe if I ever finish the season I’ll review it. so glad I’m finally jumping the bandwagon though I really felt like I was missing out.